It's Me, Bear-Bear

greetings, illernet. i bear-bear would like to present to you my newest composition, which is yet another (infinitely better) spin on a classic by a little-known indie company related to leg elbows. this particular one is a parody of "a whole new world" by prince ali and jasmine. while the original is known as a great tribute to love, i believe this edition to be even more passionate, inspiring, and deeply romantic. the part of the prince is (obviously) meant to be sung by myself bear-bear, and the part of the lady should best be filled by a beautiful lady like, hmm, well... oh, i suppose la nora comes to mind. anyway, enjoy! I’ll take over the world Mine it, use its resources I know I’ll be remorseless when I rule the land and tides And I’ll conquer the skies With hot air balloon soldiers Send them up where it’s colder to fight always on my side I’ll rule the world It’s what is best for everyone  I am benevolent  Magnificent  And smarter than these humans You’ll rule th...

hello internet. rejoice! for i bear-bear have returned. today i wanted to bring you another one of my top-tier songs. this one tells the story of a super sad and tragically real conversation i bear-bear had with el nor one time. i bear-bear will always remember the devastation on nor's face when he realized he would have to compete with such a swaggy, chivalrous, suave, chill, stupendous, chick-magnet-y, special hunk as myself for the heart of la nora. out of respect for that deep and personal pain, i bear-bear have converted our discussion into a ballad which el nor and i can sing to bring him ever closer to acceptance. this one is to the tune of "for the first time in forever (reprise)" from frozen. i hope everypony finds it loafly and tasteful. [BEAR-BEAR, spoken] I have glad tidings Nor, I bring good news! I am pursuing a lady! And she is really cool (sung) Among diamonds she would be a precious jewel And I must acquire this lady She is a stone-cold ten I really must ...

hola illernets! i know it has been some time since i bear-bear have blessed you with a new song, but consider this a precious, priceless gift. it is a worthy occasion, after all--the birthday of my hunka!! i wrote him this song in celebration of his day of emergence. it is a parody of a rather niche little diddy called the "st ar-spangled banner". if you need to google to make sure you get the tune right, it is okay. i bear-bear do not blame you, and i judge you as little as possible. but enjoy, hunka!!! feliz cumplea ñ os!! O slayness is he, that stupendous delight Who is epic and strong, and an excellent hunka His tall height and big arms, show his wonderful might And remind me of me, truly we are among the Powerfulest of guys, with swag reaching the skies, That cannot be matched, no matter how hard they try O slay is that hunka with jawline like stone He is awesome like me; him I’ll never disown!

 white but inside a bumpy ride dark like night no path to see the outside world the mind unfurls the conscious flees you long for home but how to leave? far you shall roam through traffic weave within white chrome you weep, aggrieved

HELLO HOUSTON CAN YOU HEAR ME???? IT'S ME, BEAR-BEAR I REPEAT: IT IS ME, BEAR-BEAR I am just going to hope I have your attention by now so we can get right to the point of this urgent message.  UM... GUYS?????????? I don't know if you all noticed, but I Bear-Bear have been completely unable to SPEAK  for the past MONTH! At first I thought maybe my golden vocal cords were simply tired from all of the beautiful sounds they make all day (they do make me Bear-Bear sound better than literally everyone else so of course they deserve to be exhausted every now and then), but then they kept not making noise and I felt that perhaps there was a different cause for their silence. Like, maybe I was sick! I figured that was the case for around another week, until I remembered that I am entirely too strong a being for anything like illness to ever impact me. So then I started to panic (a little, in a totally Triple-C way: cool, calm, and crying hysterically  collected). Maybe someone wa...

hey illernets, and happy birthday nora!! now before i introduce this song to you i would like to clarify that the lyrics are NOT true, it's a JOKE, i bear-bear am COMPLETELY SATISFIED with my body and know that it is ENTIRELY SUPERIOR to that of chub!! i only wrote this song to be funny!! it is not serious and if you say it is i will block you anyway, this is shape of chub , which is a parody of edward sheeran's shape of you . again, this is NOT SERIOUS and anyone who claims it is will be BLOCKED. The girl spilled some sticky glue on me Bear-Bear  So to Walmart they all go They said they’d get Brad something to make it better  How they’ll do that, I don’t know I think they’re gonna come back with glue remover But it’s nothing of that type He’s so pink, large, and round in the bottom And even I’m impressed, it’s got me thinking that Wow I admire his chub His chub is endless, I wish that it was me Who was so chubby Thicc in the bottom, like Glori A, from Madagascar That hippo su...

Today Brad turns eleven! This concept is very strange to me Bear-Bear, as I do not believe any of the other hoomans have experienced such a transformation, but I will support him nonetheless. Even though Brad and I Bear-Bear are sometimes enemies, we are also lowkey amigos, which I think makes our official title enemigos. And I loaf Brad basically the most and will always be loyal to him no matter what. This might be the case because I am contractually required to as his stuffed bear, but it is still true; I adore you Bradley. Even if you are my ex-dad, you could never be my ex-homie, pal, or compadre. #exdadsnotexbrads So Brad, even when your ears turn pointy, even when your eyesight becames uncannily accurate in even the darkest of spaces, even when you are taller and more beautiful than the average being, even when you possibly pick up archery, I will be with you. Throughout your eons, through every century you spend barely aging, unchanging beyond the length of your flowing beautif...

No, no, your eyes do not deceive you. I know you all have been anticipating this wondrous day for a long time now, so long that some of you disappointing unbelievers didn't think it would ever come. But here it is, finally, after all this time: my health care company. I of course understand that you all will be clamoring for the right to put your health and wellness solely in the capable paws of me Bear-Bear, but I absolutely refuse to accept more than two hundred fifty dollars from any of you until you have heard a little more about the program and I have decided whether or not you are worthy of it (to reiterate, I will  accept the two hundred fifty from anyone who wants to give it right now , no questions asked).  The program is called German Emperor Bearmanente, to represent both my vast power and unyielding, unwavering endurance. Also it has to do with the way I am a bear.  The focus of the program, I would say, is definitely excellence. I Bear-Bear am essentially the...

oh, hi there illernets. i failed to see you there past my huge amounts of splendor and talent. i decided to bless you this night with another one of my genius lyrical achievements. honestly i'm starting to think i should start charging you for these; they're way too good to keep letting you illernets read them for free. anyways, this one is a parody of "paparazzi" by lady gaaa-gaaaaa. have fun reading this since it might be the last time you can do so for free. I am the king Of the van-making ring Need soccer moms, to help And by “help”, I mean do All of the work  They must make all of m’vans  Cardboard and tires And lots of hot glue With minimal fires Kinda ghetto, it’s true  But it’s functional Come be in my arsenal There’s no other option Here’s my biggest van,  Oh yes, it is you I’m scarin’ Be a, be a Karen Yes I'm sellin' yoga pants  And I can see you're starin' Be a, be a Karen I'll shove you in the trunk Why would you ask that? No, I am not ...