It's Me, Bear-Bear

BLOB BEAR THIS IS A WARNING. IT SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN LIGHTLY. YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO OCCUPY MY NICHE. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. AS STATED BY ABIGAIL'S CALIFORNIA 2008 BIOLOGY TEXTBOOK, TWO ORGANISMS CANNOT OCCUPY THE SAME NICHE IN THE SAME ECOSYSTEM. I AM THE DOMINANT ANIMAL. THEREFORE, BLOB, HERE IS YOUR WARNING. YOU WILL LEAVE. OR I WILL DECIMATE YOU. YOU HAVE ONE WEEK TO GATHER YOUR BELONGINGS AND TAKE YOUR LEAVE. OTHERWISE, I WILL NOT HESITATE TO ANNIHILATE YOU.

Chickens A poem by Me Bear-Bear O chickens You are so yummy I wish that I  Could be a chicken And also be so yummy  But if I was a yummy chicken Who would eat my chicken self I would not be there to do it So who would eat the yummy chickens If I don't eat the yummy chickens, are they really yummy? Nobody ever eats me  But if they did, would I be yummy?  But no one does, so I'm not yummy But would I be? But could I be? 

I never have a good time At family events I get dragged into the minivan With my mom holding me by the ear (Ow, stop it!) I was feeling pretty mad to be there Once we arrived Till I heard the sound of your voice Coming from the hallway Then you came in with your hair in a perm It had clearly been dyed I was doing pretty good 'cause I saw That you had brought mints They looked yummy I reached in your bag Then you saw me Oh no, OH NO My live, it flashed before my eyes because You hit me with your HurryCane You hit me with your HurryCane Knew it was gonna be a long night From the moment when Aunt Carol approached me and said "Oh honey, you've gotten so tall!" If I would've just stayed in my room And not attended Then I wouldn't be in this chair Listening to her talk Then you came in with your hair in a perm It had clearly been dyed I was doing pretty good 'cause I saw That you had brought mints They looked yummy I reached in your bag Then you saw me Oh no, O...

     Hola Illernet; 'tis I, His Majesty the King and Royal Highness of the Interwebs, Bear-Bear.      I Bear-Bear am posting today in an effort to address a vicious rumor that has been circling the homestead. I beg of you, if there are children in the room, do not allow them to read this so that they may be spared. What you are about to read is terrible and offensive. But I Bear-Bear must defend myself.      I BEAR-BEAR AM NOT A FURRY.      I proomise that I Bear-Bear am NOT a furry. Some personas have claimed that I Bear-Bear might have feelings towards non-hoomans, but I proomise that this is not the case. The only organisms that I Bear-Bear have ever been truly attracted to are hooman beans.      I must admit that I Bear-Bear was shocked when I first heard that some believed me to be a furry. Shocked, confused, and hurt. Why would anypony ever assume that I Bear-Bear am a furry? I Bear-Bear have never done...

     O Cheesy, my beautiful daughter. You are so lovely. I miss you deeply and with a passion. The police can claim that you had malicious intent toward your siblings as much as they wish, but I know that you are innocent.      I miss you, Cheesy. You are my best dot and I loaf you way more than the others. I also loaf you more than my soons. I loaf you more than all of the chillens. I want the government to allow you out of prison, but they refuse. It is not fair, my dot.      Cheesy, come back please. My prettiest, best, greatest, beautifulest, amazingest child. I miss your purple fur and your strange obsession with cheese. But I would buy you all of the cheese if you returned to me Bear-Bear your fat-her.      I loaf you, Cheesy. Please return. Loaf, Oso-Oso Tu padre

Oh Senora A Song by Me Bear-Bear Oh Senora I long to smell you Long to smell your long brown hair Oh Senora I long to smell you Because you prob'ly smell good And if you didn't I would still smell you Because it's fun and you are pretty And if you didn't I would still loaf you Because I'm weird and stalkery Kinda like Frankie In that Witney dance Which was super duper swaggy I wish that I Was just like Frankie During that stalker dance

     Sometimes, hoomans ask me Bear-Bear why I do not attempt at finding a mate of my own species, but instead go after dogs (I miss you Little Ann please call me back) and botas. Well, one tiempo, back in my wild days when I ran free with my fur flying in the wind and my crazed call that of a machoso, I Bear-Bear did pursue una osa fabulosa.      Her name was Bottulotta Youghrmundy, but I Bear-Bear always called her Bota because hers maybe even rivaled my own (I Bear-Bear know you are worried now, but mine was still better, obviously). She was the most beautiful oso I Bear-Bear had ever seen (other than me. Again, duh), so unlike the others. They just had shaggy brown fur and dark eyes, while she had shaggy brown fur and dark eyes. She was a vision.      But then one day, when it was super cold, she Bottulotta said something about an oso named Nate and ditched Me Bear-Bear to SLEEP! I Bear-Bear felt so betrayed and hurt. I cried and crie...