It's Me, Bear-Bear

three little hot dogs all in a row their names are becky, smith, and joe one of the hot dogs ran away to cry the other two sat there and waved goodbye the one running hot dog rolled off the ledge her two friends gasped as she went off the edge smith and joe watched as becky rolled out of sight they wished they could aid becky in her plight becky lay quietly and gathered some dust down on the ground it smelled like earth and must joe and smith began to grow hot as becky lay on the ground, starting to rot joe and smith were sweating in the uncomfortable heat just two little friends, yummy bits of meat they sizzled and popped as their skin turned all red they sat there together in their very warm bed becky watched in silence as an ant crawled up her body she sniffled and she cried and her face felt all snotty but nobody noticed becky there on the floor becky sat in silence; couldn't talk, peep, or roar smith and joe finished their time on the grill becoming a...

I Bear-Bear have a very troublesome issue that must be addressed immediately. On the evening of December the 29th, 2018, I Bear-Bear issued a warning to a certain magenta-shaded, shapeless, dopey-voiced, wannabe, boring, stupid, deeply unattractive bear. (Blob) I warned Blob that he was encroaching upon my sacred territory and that if he did not vacate my niche posthaste, I Bear-Bear would be forced to resort to unethical means in order to rid myself of him. Unfortunately (for Blob lol destroying him was my pleasure), he did not heed my warning. On the evening of January 5th, 2019, Blob was decimated. Destroyed. Annihilated. Obliterated. Exterminated. Liquidated. Eradicated. Eliminated. Extirpated. Crushed. Squashed. Baked. Fried. Sizzled. Kaput. Kablooied. Thanosed. And although I Bear-Bear watched as he turned to dust beneath my intimidating form, there are some who doubt me. I am beginning to believe that they are right. This morning, I Bear-Bear received an anonymous em...

oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes...

Dearest Subjects, This past week, I Bear-Bear went through a traumatic experience. I was just chillin' one day with my homies (jk lol I Bear-Bear have no homies nopony is worthy of all this) when suddenly... I Bear-Bear was taken. I was shoved into a deep, entirely black abyss, perhaps even as dark as my ebon-hued ojos. I lay curled there for a while, marinating in my own terror like an obese slab of chicken teriyaki in soy sauce. Finally, though, I Bear-bear broke through the surface of the abyss, emerging wet (do not ask) and screaming like a baby from its mother's womb (there was no placenta, though). I entirely expected to find myself in a disgusting wet rag of a place. But I was entirely surprised. I awoke on an island that seemed to have been sculpted for me Bear-Bear. Imagine it. Chickens, everywhere, ready for the eating. Ladies on beaches, laughing and frolicking in the waves. A ramshackle shop run by my own Uncle, containing delectable shave ice just for m...

Hoy es a very special day! ES EL CUMPLEANOS DE NOR!! Nor is my mejor amigo. We are thicker than my biceps (very thick), closer than my lips to those of a lady I admire (again, very close), and tighter than Abigail's bota clenches while she rides the Space Mountain at Disney World (do I Bear-Bear even need to specify the tightness of that particular item?). Anyways, the point is today is a day to be celebrating. El Nor es muy especial. Happy day of emergence, Nor! xoxo, Bear-Bear Your bestie Ya pal Tu amigo Yo home-dog Y'all's buddy

I sit. I sit, and I stare at my computer screen as if in a trance. My deep black ojos trace the words on my device with a blank gaze. My mouth hangs open, similarly to the door of my heart since Cheesy SLAMMED it open without a single care for my feeling. The organ beats more slowly now, almost as though it can no longer function after this treacherous backstabbing. My child. My angel.  I Bear-Bear poured countless hours into feeding her, raising her, loving her, only to find that she would leave me Bear-Bear at the drop of a hat. A single tear slides down my cheek, wetting the fabric and seeping through it to the stuffing. As I sit, I Bear-Bear remember when I brought her home from the hospital. She was so tiny and delicate, a little purple bundle with perfect hand-grabbing paws and ojo-poking fingers. She would stare up at me Bear-Bear with her deep, slightly psychopathic blue eyes and reach towards me. We would sit together in the middle of the night, just me Bear-Bear and...

ATTENTION EVERYPONY PLEASE READ & CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING CAREFULLY I Bear-Bear have a beautiful dot-her named Cheesy. She is a lovely, sweet, docile, polite, well-behaved little purple mouse-kangaroo-hybrid. Cheesy is basically an angel who would never dream of doing anything wrong. Her moral compass is fine-tuned. However, her GHASTLY, HIDEOUS, DISGUSTING siblings realized that Cheesy was far better than them, and they were jealous. So they tricked her into trying to kill them like twelve times.  Yes, it's on video. And yes, Cheesy cackles maniacally as she pulls a level to release an anvil onto their heads. And yes, she stomps her feet and has a temper tantrum when they escape from under the anvil. But I Bear-Bear know that my perfect dot-her is INNOCENT!!! However, the police are not nearly as intelligent as I Bear-Bear am (though who is? lol y'all stupid). So they, with their small minds, actually believed that Cheesy tried to kill her siblings!! They sent her to ...