It's Me, Bear-Bear

hey illernets, and happy birthday nora!! now before i introduce this song to you i would like to clarify that the lyrics are NOT true, it's a JOKE, i bear-bear am COMPLETELY SATISFIED with my body and know that it is ENTIRELY SUPERIOR to that of chub!! i only wrote this song to be funny!! it is not serious and if you say it is i will block you anyway, this is shape of chub , which is a parody of edward sheeran's shape of you . again, this is NOT SERIOUS and anyone who claims it is will be BLOCKED. The girl spilled some sticky glue on me Bear-Bear  So to Walmart they all go They said they’d get Brad something to make it better  How they’ll do that, I don’t know I think they’re gonna come back with glue remover But it’s nothing of that type He’s so pink, large, and round in the bottom And even I’m impressed, it’s got me thinking that Wow I admire his chub His chub is endless, I wish that it was me Who was so chubby Thicc in the bottom, like Glori A, from Madagascar That hippo su...

Today Brad turns eleven! This concept is very strange to me Bear-Bear, as I do not believe any of the other hoomans have experienced such a transformation, but I will support him nonetheless. Even though Brad and I Bear-Bear are sometimes enemies, we are also lowkey amigos, which I think makes our official title enemigos. And I loaf Brad basically the most and will always be loyal to him no matter what. This might be the case because I am contractually required to as his stuffed bear, but it is still true; I adore you Bradley. Even if you are my ex-dad, you could never be my ex-homie, pal, or compadre. #exdadsnotexbrads So Brad, even when your ears turn pointy, even when your eyesight becames uncannily accurate in even the darkest of spaces, even when you are taller and more beautiful than the average being, even when you possibly pick up archery, I will be with you. Throughout your eons, through every century you spend barely aging, unchanging beyond the length of your flowing beautif...

No, no, your eyes do not deceive you. I know you all have been anticipating this wondrous day for a long time now, so long that some of you disappointing unbelievers didn't think it would ever come. But here it is, finally, after all this time: my health care company. I of course understand that you all will be clamoring for the right to put your health and wellness solely in the capable paws of me Bear-Bear, but I absolutely refuse to accept more than two hundred fifty dollars from any of you until you have heard a little more about the program and I have decided whether or not you are worthy of it (to reiterate, I will  accept the two hundred fifty from anyone who wants to give it right now , no questions asked).  The program is called German Emperor Bearmanente, to represent both my vast power and unyielding, unwavering endurance. Also it has to do with the way I am a bear.  The focus of the program, I would say, is definitely excellence. I Bear-Bear am essentially the...

oh, hi there illernets. i failed to see you there past my huge amounts of splendor and talent. i decided to bless you this night with another one of my genius lyrical achievements. honestly i'm starting to think i should start charging you for these; they're way too good to keep letting you illernets read them for free. anyways, this one is a parody of "paparazzi" by lady gaaa-gaaaaa. have fun reading this since it might be the last time you can do so for free. I am the king Of the van-making ring Need soccer moms, to help And by “help”, I mean do All of the work  They must make all of m’vans  Cardboard and tires And lots of hot glue With minimal fires Kinda ghetto, it’s true  But it’s functional Come be in my arsenal There’s no other option Here’s my biggest van,  Oh yes, it is you I’m scarin’ Be a, be a Karen Yes I'm sellin' yoga pants  And I can see you're starin' Be a, be a Karen I'll shove you in the trunk Why would you ask that? No, I am not ...

 Nor,  HAPPY BIRHDAY!!  I never wished you on here on your actual birthday, so I figured why not do it now?  Have fun being forty two. I Bear-Bear have a feeling it will be a great year for you.  Love,  Me Bear-Bear (The Superior)

hey illernets. recently i bear-bear have been feeling a lot of rage towards a certain hooman in my home whose name sounds kind of like rabidsnail. so naturally i did what anybody would do and slapped her. after that i wrote this parody of "miss me more" by kelsea ballerini. please enjoy my genius as you read on. Before you I lay on the ground as Brady played video games I didn't get to play along And being left out felt so wrong I figured nothing could be worse, but now I find I stand corrected 'Cause you came 'round, stupid Because you came 'round I thought I'd be glad (to get off it) I thought I'd feel joy (to be lifted) I thought I'd missed hugs I thought I'd missed hugs But I miss the floor I miss the carpet, with its fuzzy balls I miss the floor Miss the time before you became involved I thought lying there sucked, I thought nothing was worse Than sitting there by myself, but then I met you Yeah, I thought the ground...

hola illernet. this parody was written by me bear-bear to communicate how i feel about my changing relationchip with bradley. in case it is unclear, the original song was "when i was your man" by bruno mars. now please enjoy my lyrical gift Same bed but it feels just a little bit smaller now You hold me tight in your arms but it don't feel the same When you wake up you leave me, lying there with my spirits down Because when you are awake you just say his name It all just sounds like "Chu-u-ub-bi-corn~" Oh, too young, too dumb to realize That I should cuddled you close And not complained Should have said that we were good bros Called you by your name Take you to every GameStop 'cause all you wanted to do was game Now my Brady's gaming But he's gaming with a different fave His fluff, his pinkness, his chub, and his one-word ways Brought a blob-shape-lover like you into his short arms Now I never, ever get to come on downstairs to...