Bear-Bear Island: My Takeover (Storytime ((Gone Wrong)) (((Gone Spicy))) (((((Not Clickbait))))

Dearest Subjects,

This past week, I Bear-Bear went through a traumatic experience. I was just chillin' one day with my homies (jk lol I Bear-Bear have no homies nopony is worthy of all this) when suddenly...

I Bear-Bear was taken.

I was shoved into a deep, entirely black abyss, perhaps even as dark as my ebon-hued ojos. I lay curled there for a while, marinating in my own terror like an obese slab of chicken teriyaki in soy sauce. Finally, though, I Bear-bear broke through the surface of the abyss, emerging wet (do not ask) and screaming like a baby from its mother's womb (there was no placenta, though).

I entirely expected to find myself in a disgusting wet rag of a place. But I was entirely surprised.

I awoke on an island that seemed to have been sculpted for me Bear-Bear.

Imagine it. Chickens, everywhere, ready for the eating. Ladies on beaches, laughing and frolicking in the waves. A ramshackle shop run by my own Uncle, containing delectable shave ice just for me Bear-Bear (which I Bear-Bear have stolen a few times, snickering maniacally as I vanish into the ebony night. lol my brain is far more advanced than the slow-witted chickens who run the place).

It was beautiful. I Bear-Bear had found my true home. I sat before many a sunset, pondering deep into the depths of my distorted soul. The thoughts that I had are not to be repeated; I Bear-Bear am such a profound intellectual that the limits to which my bulging brain stretched and twisted would cause an individual of "regular" thought capacity to shrivel and retire to a dark panic room forever, gnawing brutally at wisps of their own hair and scratching their fingernails against the walls as their shrill screams for help were lost into the void. But I Bear-Bear digress.

The place was beautiful. For the first time in a while, I Bear-Bear felt truly content.

I Bear-Bear loved this place. I had to have it. I have to have it.

The island has a rather large population of chickens. In order to facilitate my takeover, I Bear-Bear have strategically released a group of specially trained chicken spies to act as moles (but not moles. Chickens). They will carefully begin spreading rumors about lack of structuring in the order system, and then just as everything is tossed into a beautiful, helpless uproar, I Bear-Bear will swoop in to save the day.

Or I would have, if I hadn't been dropped into the stupid void again. Now I'm back at the regular house with Bradley and my chicken agents will probably completely forget about their jobs and mindlessly join with their imbecilic peers.

It may not work out for now. But I Bear-Bear promise you, Bear-Bear Island...

I will return.



(Or not. Depends on the void and stuff.)