A Key

It has occurred to me Bear-Bear that some of the more basic hoomans may not understand the way that I Bear-Bear speak. I have many names for the members of my household, so it could be confusing for an Outsider. Considering that I Bear-Bear am basically internet famous, I figured I should create this key to clear things up. I have translated names and phrases from my superior dialect into Normie Speak. Thank me later.

La Nora/La Senora/Mrs. Bradley's Mom/Spiciest Lady- Sherry Wight

El Nor/El Senor/Mr. Bradley's Father/My Competition- Adam Wight

Uncle/Uncle my Hunkle/Uncle Eye-Sack- Isaac Wight

Bradley/Brad/Ex-Father/Braden- Brady Wight

Abigail- Abigail Wight

I Bear-Bear- Me Bear-Bear

My Nemesis/My Enemy/The Hated One/Wannabe- Blob

My Ex-Wife/Mother of Cheesy- Little Ann

My Angel/My Beloved/My Darling/My Sweetheart/The Precious One- Cheesy (my dot-her)

Dot-her- Daughter

Soon- Son

Fat-her- Father

Moth-her/Mootar- Mother

Hoomans- Humans

I loaf you- I love you

You're welcome, normies. Hates, don't @ me.



Comments

  1. AdamJune 16, 2019 at 8:43 PM

    I thought I was your Bestie.

    ReplyDelete
  2. CheesyJune 16, 2019 at 9:14 PM

    Foo-tar,

    You got it wrong Foo-tar. Why would father be Fat-her? That makes it sound like a father is a fat female. That makes no sense. Of course fathers can be fat, but they canNOT be female. Duh. Foo-tar makes much more sense. Foo, as in, I pity the foo'. And tar, as in, something dark and sticky. These are very much things that I associate with you Foo-tar.

    By the way, Happy Foo-tar's Day. If you my Foo-tar and Little Ann my Mootar had not met and fallen into weird stuffed animal love, my siblings would not be here. And what is far worse, I Cheesy would not be here to prey upon them. So, way to go Foo-tar.

    Sigh. I Cheesy was not going to write to you, but then Cracker did something that reminded me of you. Cracker is of course very different from you. He loafs me for who I am, even if who I am is a murderous, scheming bundle of unbridled fury. Even if I refused to bathe in the river we live down by for the better part of a month. Even if the mud of the surrounding swampy area has become impacted upon my skin, like a second fur-skin. He loafs me, totally and completely.

    But sometimes when Cracker looks at me a certain way, I see something in his eyes that reminds me of you Foo-tar. No, it's not the loaf that he has for me. There''s a certain quality in his eyes, a certain look, a certain aspect, a certain. . . I would say a certain "je ne sais quoi"--but the truth is, I know exactly what that look is in his eyes that reminds me of you. The fact is, sometimes, Cracker. . . Well, he's a wonderful boy-bear, he's really great, he completes me and our souls are merged in to a Cheesy/Cracker combination soul but. . . Well, sometimes. . . Cracker is just not very bright.

    I mean it. His eyes can seem pretty empty sometimes. His stare, vacant. Sometimes I Cheesy am telling him that he did something completely foolish and idiotic and he just sits there smiling at me with his mouth kind of open and his eyes reflecting the light of my rage, but somehow reflecting it in a way that looks like those big-eyed happy people in a Japanese cartoon, so that instead of being full of rage it looks like the cute happiness of some little anime character.

    Ok, maybe calling Cheesy not very bright was kind of an understatement. The truth is, sometimes I Cheesy hold my mouth up to his ear and scream into them very loud, then press my ear against his so that I can hear the echoes of my rage bouncing around through the vast, cavernous emptiness of his noggin. I once counted seven echoes. It was kind of depressing.

    Don't get me wrong. I still love Cracker. He is my soul-mate. And maybe this is your fault. Maybe, at some point when I was only a little Cheesy you looked at me with an empty-headed stare, just like the ones that my Cracker does now, and it imprinted itself upon my defenseless young mind and that's why I like idiots now. I don't get it. This is kind of frustrating. I think this must be your fault.

    So anyway, Foo-tar, I was thinking of you. Happy Foo-tar's Day. Maybe some day Cracker and I will come see you, and the two of you could have a vacant staring contest while I Cheesy attempt to line you up properly so that I can shine a flashlight through your heads onto the wall behind you. I bet I could do it.

    Your dot-her,
    Cheesy

    ReplyDelete

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