Be a Karen

oh, hi there illernets. i failed to see you there past my huge amounts of splendor and talent. i decided to bless you this night with another one of my genius lyrical achievements. honestly i'm starting to think i should start charging you for these; they're way too good to keep letting you illernets read them for free. anyways, this one is a parody of "paparazzi" by lady gaaa-gaaaaa. have fun reading this since it might be the last time you can do so for free.

I am the king

Of the van-making ring

Need soccer moms, to help

And by “help”, I mean do

All of the work 

They must make all of m’vans 

Cardboard and tires

And lots of hot glue

With minimal fires

Kinda ghetto, it’s true 

But it’s functional

Come be in my arsenal

There’s no other option

Here’s my biggest van, 

Oh yes, it is you I’m scarin’

Be a, be a Karen

Yes I'm sellin' yoga pants 

And I can see you're starin'

Be a, be a Karen

I'll shove you in the trunk

Why would you ask that? No, I am not drunk

Now you’re in my van, 

And I can see that you’re despairin’

Be a, be a Karen

Come work for me, in my shady warehouse

It’s below the ground

And you can have two feet of personal space

Or four, when you are asleep

If you work for me 

You won’t need a degree

You will make a van

With Other Karen’s plan that she dreamt last night

No, really, I know you can

Now come join my clan

Here’s my biggest van, 

Oh yes, it is you I’m scarin’

Be a, be a Karen

Yes I'm sellin' yoga pants 

And I can see you're starin'

Be a, be a Karen

I'll shove you in the trunk

Why would you ask that? No, I am not drunk

Now you’re in my van, 

And I can see that you’re despairin’

Be a, be a Karen

It’s great

To work in my factory

It will be so satisfactory

At least, for me Bear-bear

For you it will be so unfair! 

Here’s my biggest van, 

Oh yes, it is you I’m scarin’

Be a, be a Karen

Yes I'm sellin' yoga pants 

And I can see you're starin'

Be a, be a Karen

I'll shove you in the trunk

Why would you ask that? No, I am not drunk

Now you’re in my van, 

And I can see that you’re despairin’

Be a, be a Karen